operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
