Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
