I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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