if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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