I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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