my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
