some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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