if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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