just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
