I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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