3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
