I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
