did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
