Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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