1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
