I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize