...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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