put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
