everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
