The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
