I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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