we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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