Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
