Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
