So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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