i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
