you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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