why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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