Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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