There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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