He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize