she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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