It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
