It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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