...so i touched it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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