I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
