he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
