the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
