8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
