3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
