he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
