Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
