How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
