Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
