I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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