i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize