Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
