You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
