i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
