I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
