I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize