can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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