I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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