So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
