ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
