Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
