real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
