I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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