I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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