Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
