Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
