There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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