let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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