would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
