You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
