you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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