i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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