Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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