he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
