she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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